Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
