Where is the hickey?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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