I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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