I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
