Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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