Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize