he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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