Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize