i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
