you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
