Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
