Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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