paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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