You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
