he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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