Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
