just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FUCK WHALES
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
