I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
