Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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