I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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