Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
