I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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