I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
