i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
