So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
