Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
