How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
