i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
