just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
