Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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