If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
