I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
