meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
