Define "chronic" masturbator.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
