i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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