screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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