And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't notice because vodka
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
