I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize