it hurts more in the daytime
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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