there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
