Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
