She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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