hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
