Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
