I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
