Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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