My pussy is not your playground.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize