you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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