This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
