I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
