is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
