You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
