hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
