I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
