I will die if light touches me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
