i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
