She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize