All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize