I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize