I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
