Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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