So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize