do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
