What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Man, jail baloney is awful.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
