What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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