I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize