He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
